STACK 

ANNEX 


RENCH'S  ACTING  EDITION 


Granny's  Julie 


An  Impression 


By 
HERBERT  SWEARS 


NET 


I/' 


FROM 

Mrs.  Edmund  Andrews 
5f>l  Surf  Street 
Chicago,  Illinois 


NET 


LONDON : 

SAMUEL    FRENCH,   LTD. 

Publisher* 

26  SOUTHAMPTON  STREET 
STRAND,  W.C.2 


NBW  YORKJ 

SAMUEL  FRENCH 

Publtihtr 
Z6  WEST  45ra  STREET 


SCENERY 


With  a  view  to  obviate,  as  far  as  possible,  the  great  difficulty 
amateurs  experience  in  obtaining  scenery,  we  have  endeavoured  to 
cope  with  the  situation  by  providing 

Strong   Lithographed  Paper 

an  be  easily  mounted  on  canvas  or  calico  (as  canvas  is  so 
expensive  at  present),  and  then  framed  on  woodwork.  As  all  amateurs 
will  have  discovered,  the  expense  of  hiring  or  buying  painted  canvas 
scenery  is  very  considerable,  but  by  printing  large  quantities  we  can 
sell  outright  at  a  rate  comparing  favourably  with  that  usually  charged 
for  the  HIRE  of  painted  canvas  scenery. 

The  primary  object  we  have  had  in  view  has  been  to  provide 
scenery  which,  by  easy  adjustment  and  additional  sheets  of  litho- 
graphed paper,  can  be  made  to  fit  any  reasonable  size  of  stage. 


Any  the  subject  of  our  scenery  will  be 

gladly  and  promptly  answered,  and  if  the  particulars  of 

-the  height,  the  width,  and  depth,  together 

with  tl  i  in  which  you  require  the  doors,  fireplace, 

or    windows — are    forwarded,   we    will    submit    you    an 

~  for  the  paper  alone  or  mounted 

.iico. 

framewori  can  be  very  easily  constructed 

y  local  fi!  r  can  be  supplied  by  us.     We 

shall  be  pleased  to  quote  prices  upon  receiving  details. 

We  do  not  send  Scenery  on  Hire 

FULLY    ILLUSTRATED    CATALOGUE 
sent  gratis  on  application. 

Tarn  to  next  page  of  coVer. 


GRANNY'S  JULIET 


GRANNY'S  JULIET 


AN   IMPRESSION 


By 

HERBERT    SWEARS 


Author  of  "  The  Whirlpool,"  "A  Tight  Corner,"  "  The  House  of  Clay," 
"Hero  and  Heroine,"  "The  Nonsensor,"  "Home,  Sweet  Home,  with 
Variations,"  "Twilight,"  "Wayfarers,"  "The  Mere  Man,"  "Such  it 
Fame,"  "Two  on  a  'Bus,"  "Love  and  Dentistry,"  "Semi-detached," 
'•  Patay,"  "Too  Many  Cooks,"  "Lady  Interviewer,'*  "Day  Dreanu," 
"  Cupid  Astray,"  etc. 


LONDON 
SAMUEL    FRENCH, 

PUBLISHERS 

26    SOUTHAMPTON    STRBBT 
STRAND.  W.C.3 


NBW  YORK 
SAMUEL  FRENCH 

PUBLISHER 
25  WEST  45TH  STREET 


ONE- ACT  PLAYS  FOR  LADIES 

By  HERBERT  SWEARS. 
Price  is.  each  net. 

THE  YOUNG  IDEA.  Two  characters. 

TIT-BITS.  Two  characters. 

TOO  MANY  COOKS.  Two  characters. 

LADY  INTERVIEWER.  Two  characters. 

PANSY.  Two  characters. 

GRANNY'S  JULIET.  Three  characters. 

As  played  by  Mrs.  Keiidal. 

WIDOWS.  Three  characters. 

SUCH  IS  FAME.  Four  characters. 

DOG  DAYS.  Five  characters. 

THE  MERE  MAN.  Eight  characters. 

SAMUEL  FRENCH,  LIMITED, 
26  SOUTHAMPTON  STREET, 
STRAND,  LONDON,  W.C.2. 


Made   and  Printed  fa  Great  Brltnin  by 
Buiier  k  Twiner  Ltd.,  Frome  and  London 


GRANNY'S    JULIET 

First  produced  by  Mrs.  Kendal  on  Tuesday,  May  23, 
1911,  at  47,  Brook  Street,  W.,  on  the  occasion  of 
H.R.H.  the  Duchess  of  Albany's  Entertainment,  in 
aid  of  the  Deptford  Fund. 


CHARACTERS 

THE  COUNTESS  OF  MILBOURNE   Mrs.  Ke*»4al. 
MRS.  PAYNTER      .         .         .     Miss  Fay  Davis. 
MURIEL         .       V        .         .     Miss  Rosalie  Toller. 

SCENE. — The    small    drawing  room    at    Milbourne- 
D'Arcy. 


2055230 


The  fee  for  each  and  every  representation  of  this  play  by 
amateurs  is  One  Ouinea,  payable  in  advance  to  : — 

Messrs.  Samuel  French,  Ltd., 

26,  Southampton  Street, 

Strand,  London,  W.C.2, 

or  their  authorized  representative,  whc,npon  payment  of  the 
fee, will  issue  a  written  permission  for  the  performance  to  take 

place. 

No  public  performance  may  be  given  unless  a  written  per- 
mission has  first  been  obtained. 

Character  costumes  and  wigs  used  in  the  performance  ol 
plavs  contained  in  French's  Acting  Edition  may  be  obtained 
from  Messrs.  CHARLES  H.  Fox,  Limited,  27  Wellington  Street, 
Strand,  W.0.2. 


GRANNY'S  JULIET 


Scene  Plot 


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Footlights 

The  scene  is  laid-  in  the  small  drawing-room  at  Mil- 
bourne-D'Arcy.  The  piece,  however,  can  be  per- 
formed on  a  concert  platform  without  curtain.  Door 
up  R.  Armchair  R.C.,  and  small  table  R.  of  it. 
Sofa  L.C.  Occasional  table,  with  tea  equipage,  in 
front  o/  sofa.  Fireplace  L.  In  front  of  fireplace 
a  small  folding  Japanese  screen  about  two  and  a  half 
feet  high,  by  two  and  a  half  feet  wide.  Flower-stand, 
with  plants  in  bloom,  L.c.  at  back.  Table  c.  at  back. 
Book-case  R.C.  at  back.  Hangings,  pictures,  orna- 
ments, and  pretty  oddments  everywhere. 

(Enter  R.U.E.  MRS.  PAYNTER,  a  handsome  woman  in 
her  thirties.  She  is  amiable,  stupid  and  quite  devoid 


•  GRANNY'S  JULIET. 

of  the  faintest  sense  of  humour.  She  crosses  to 
sofa  L.  and  glances  at  the  tea  equipage.  Her  face 
softens.  Slie  raises  the  lid  of  a  dish  and  her  smile  is 
beatific. 

MRS.  PAYNTER.  Crumpets !  Glorious !  (she 
calls  over  her  shoulder.}  Dear  Lady  Milbourne — 
crumpets ! 

COUNTESS  (heard  off).    Hurray  ! 

(COUNTESS  enters,  with  a  large  pile  of  letters.  She 
is  an  attractive  woman  of  fifty- five,  full  of  fun  and 
vivacity.  She  crosses  c.) 

What  a  happy  world  it  is  !  Heaps  of  letters  for 
you,  dear,  (hands  letters.}  What  a  correspondent ! 
You  must  spend  billions  in  postage  stamps !  No 
wonder  the  Chancellor  has  a  surplus !  You're  an 
Inland  Revenue  in  yourself. 

(Crosses  to  arm-chair  R.,  retaining  a  letter  and  a  tele- 
gram. 

MRS.  P.  People  always  tell  me  their  troubles — and 
so  my  mornings  are  occupied 

COUNTESS.  In  sending  pen'orths  of  advice.  Very 
good  of  you,  Laura,  (sits  armchair.)  Pour  out  the 
tea,  there's  an  angel. 

(MRS.  PAYNTER  deposits  her  letters  on  the  small  occa- 
sional table,  sits  on  sofa  and  pours  out  tea.} 

(opening  telegram.}  I  expect  this  is  from  Muriel. 
(reads.}  Ye.-.  "  Arriving  5.15,"  and  it's  now  5.5. 
(glancing  at  watch  bracelet^  Jsn't  that  like  her ! 
Fortunately  I  sent  to  meet  he*,  (taps  her  forehead.) 
What  a  brain  !  What  a  grandmother ! 

MRS.  P.  No  one  would  guess  it,  dear  Lady  Mil- 
bourne. 

COUNTESS.     Laura — You're  an  ass  !    A  fierce,  un- 


GRANNY'S   JULIET.  9 

bridled  Filey  ass !  Charmingly  polite,  ain't  I  ? 
(opens  letter.) 

(MRS.  PAYNTER  rises  and  crosses  with  LADY  MIL- 
BOURNE'S  cup  which  she  deposits  on  small  table  R.  of 
armchair  within  easy  reach  of  her  ladyship.  She 
then  rccrosses  to  tea  table  and  fetches  a  covered  dish  of 
crumpets.} 

But  if  you  will  say  such  preposterous This  is 

from  Mary  Ditchingham !  Muriel's  been  staying 
with  her — I  hope  she  was  a  good  girl,  (reads.) 
The  Dysons  are  there  !  Mary  says  they  fight  like 
Kilkenny  cats — I  knew  that  long  ago.  (glancing  at 
letter.)  You've  met  the — 

MRS.  P.  (offering  dish).    Crumpets  ? 

COUNTESS  (shaking  her  head).  No,  not  the  Crum- 
pets— the  Dysons  ! 

MRS.  P.  (crossing  to  sofa  and  replacing  dish  on  tray). 
The  Hampshire  Dysons  ? 

COUNTESS  (disregarding  question).  It  seems  that 
old  General  Sandgate  (laughs)  Oh !  I  could  sob 

with  laughter.  Man'-  swears  that  the  old  boy 

(expression  changes.)  What's  this  ? 

MRS.  P.  (resuming  her  seat  on  sofa).  or  the 

Staffordshire  Dysons  ? 

COUNTESS  (excitedly).    Oh  !    Oh  ! 

MRS.  P.  The  Hampshire  branch (takes  a 

piece  of  crumpet.) 

COUNTESS.    This  is  too  bad — too  bad  ! 

MRS.  P.  (raising  the  piece  of  crumpet  to  her  lips). 
What  is  it,  dear  Lady  Milbourne  ? 

COUNTESS.  Laura,  I  beg — I  implore  you — to  cease 
juggling  with  that  crumpet. 

MRS.  P.  (regretftdy  replacing  crumpet  on  her  plate), 
You  know  I  would  do  anything  for  you,  dear  Lady 
Milbourne. 

COUNTESS.  No,  I  only  ask  one  thing — don't 
waggle  crumpets  at  me ! 

MRS.  P-     Has  something  happened  ? 


10  GRANNY'S   JULIET. 

COUNTESS.    It's  Muriel ! 

MRS.  P.     She's  not  eloped  with  a  dentist  ? 

COUNTESS.    Worse  ! 

MRS.  P.     Worse ! 

COUNTESS.     She's  been  playing  Juliet ! 

MRS.  P.  (relieved).  Oh  !  dear  Lady  Milbourne,  I 
thought  it  was  serious. 

COUNTESS  (gravely).    It's  a  tragedy. 

MRS.  P.  Well,  of  course !  I  hope  I  know  my 
Shakespeare  ! 

COUNTESS.  My  granddaughter — Juliet  1  What's 
bred  in  the  bone — you  know  the  rest  ! 

MRS.  P.    Flesh,  isn't  it  ? 

COUNTESS.  Milbourne  would  have  sixteen  canary 
fits! 

MRS.  P.     Canary  fits! 

COUNTESS.  Have  you  never  seen  a  canary  have 
hysterics  behind  the  wires  of  its  cage  ? 

MRS.  P.    Never! 

COUNTESS.  Well !  That's  Milbourne,  at  the  mere 
mention  of  the  stage  ! 

MRS.  P.  But  after  all,  dear  Lady  Milbourne,  he 
married  you ! 

COUNTESS.  Yes,  Laura,  I'm  quite  aware  that  I 
was  an  actress — and  I'm  proud  of  it — but  Milbourne 
isn't ;  he's  always  had  a  dread  of  Muriel  following  in 
her  grandmother's  footsteps. 

MRS.  P.     Still,  it  was  only  for  once. 

COUNTESS.  Ten  to  one  she's  fallen  in  love  with  her 
Romeo. 

MRS.  P.     He  may  be  well  connected. 

COUNTESS.    Not  he  1 

MRS.  P.    And  perhaps  she  hasn't ! 

COUNTESS  (angrily).    Hah !     (reading.) 

MRS.  P.     How  did  it  come  about  ? 

COUNTESS.  Mary  Ditchingham  has  been  giving 
some  theatricals  at  the  Town  Hall  in  aid  of  a  charity, 
two  scenes  from  "  Romeo  and  Juliet  "  and  a  concert. 
It  appears  that  the  prize  idiot  who  was  to  have  played 


GRANNY'S   JULIET.  11 

Juliet  developed  mumps  at  the  last  moment — so  like 
her ! — and  Muriel  begged  to  be  allowed  to  step  into 
the  breach.  Mary  Ditchingham  has  the  calmness  to 
add,  that  she  hopes  the  girl's  success  will  win  my 
forgiveness. 

MRS.  P.     Dear,  dear,  it's  all  very  difficult. 

COUNTESS.  I've  known  Mary  Ditchingham  since 
she  was  a  long-legged  iright  in  pinafores,  and  I 
always  thought  her  my  dearest  friend. 

MRS.  P.  I  confess  I've  always  regarded  her  as  just 
a  teeny  weeny  bit  of  a  cat. 

COUNTESS.  Muriel  hasn't  the  slightest  idea  that  I 
was  once  a  well-known  actress,  but  she  knows  my 
wishes,  and  it's  very  naughty  of  her  to  disobey  them. 

MRS.  P.     Very  thoughtless  ! 

COUNTESS.  Those  are  the  facts  of  the  case,  Laura. 
What  would  you  advise  ? 

MRS.  P.     WeU,  it's  all  very  difficult. 

COUNTESS.  Mary  Ditchingham  is  the  chief  offender. 
I'd  like  to  slap  her  !  (takes  up  cu-p  of  tea.} 

MRS.  P.  Perhaps  I  feel  a  tiny  wee  bit  of  sympathy 
for  Muriel  for  I  once  contemplated  the  stage. 

COUNTESS.    Where  from  ? 

MRS.  P.  I  rather  thought  at  one  time — before  I 
married  Joseph 

COUNTESS.    Of  playing  Juliet  ? 

MRS.  P.  Oh  !  no — variety — they  call  it,  don't 
they? 

COUNTESS.    I  don't  know,     (drinks  tea.) 

MRS.  P.  I  interviewed  a  manager — such  a  nice 
person — and  sang  him  a  deliciously  funny  song.  I 
remember  the  first  two  lines  ot  the  chorus — let's  see  1 
They  went — oh  !  yes,  of  course  !  (sings  in  a  very 
small  voice  to  no  tune  in  particular) — 

"I'm  a  saucy  little  flyer 
And  my  front  name's  Maria." 

COUNTESS  (astonished}.  Laura  !  Oh  !  Lor  !  Oh  ! 
Lor  !  Oh  !  Laura  ! 


12  GRANNY'S  JULIET. 

MRS.  P.     Quite  amusing,  wasn't  it  ? 

COUNTESS.    Did  he  engage  you  ? 

MRS.  P.  He  didn't  go  so  far  as  that.  But  we 
parted  quite  good  friends. 

COUNTESS  (grimly}.  You  were  lucky  !  (puts  don-n 
cup.) 

MRS.  P.    I'm  immensely  interested  in  the  theatre. 

COUNTESS  (rises  and  moves  c.).  Of  course  you  are  ! 
The  entire  Universe  is  suffering  from  a  kind  of  stage 
measles.  In  only  one  quarter  do  I  notice  a  lack  of 
appreciation. 

MRS.  P.  (indignantly).  Who  refuses  to  yield  this 
right  and  proper  interest  ? 

COUNTESS    (grimly).     The   capital   invested ! 

MRS.  P.  (blankly,  not  comprehending).  Oh !  Oh ! 
Yes,  I  see. 

COUNTESS.  No  you  don't,  Laura  !  That's  why 
you  should  have  laughed.  Always  laugh  when 
you  don't  understand  a  thing.  It  stamps  you  as  a 
woman  of  intelligence  ! 

MRS.  P.  (with  a  forced  laugh}.  You're  so  clever, 
dear  Lady  Milbourne  ! 

COUNTESS.  No,  I'm  not.  (rises.)  I'm  a  dis- 
tracted grandmother !  (crosses  c.)  What  am  I  to 
say  to  Muriel  ?  I  suppose  I  must  try  and  be  cross, 
and  dignified,  and  look  as  if  I  were  balancing  my 
coronet  on  the  top  of  my  head. 

MRS.  P.    Well,  it's  all  very  difficult. 

COUNTESS.  Ah  !  you're  such  a  comfort,  Laura ! 
You  always  say  the  right  thing. 

MRS.  P.  (modestly).  I  can't  help  feeling  sym- 
pathetic. It's  my  nature. 

(MURIEL  heard  outside.) 

MURIEL.    Granny — Granny  ! 

COUNTESS  (looking  round  at  door).  That's  Muriel — 
the  darling — I  haven't  seen  her  for  so  long — it's  such 
a  bore  to  have  to  do  the  Roman  father ! 

MRS.  P.    Courage,  dear  Lady  Milbourne  I 


GRANNY'S   JULIET.  13 

COUNTESS.  Yes  !  there  must  be  no  half  measures. 
She  must  never  act  again !  She  mustn't  many  her 
Romeo,  and  her  grandfather  mustn't  know  a  word. 

(MURIEL  heard  off.) 

MURIEL.    Granny,  where  are  you  ? 
COUNTESS.    In  here,  dear  ! 

(MURIEL  runs  in,  garbed  in  motor-coat  and  veil.  She 
throws  her  arms  round  her  grandmother's  neck. 
She  is  a  young  and  pretty  girl  of  from  sixteen  to 
seventeen  years  of  age.) 

MURIEL.     Granny  ! 

COUNTESS  (clasping  her  in  her  arms).  My  dear,  dear 
child  !  I'm  frightfully  angry  with  you,  darling — 
I'm  going  to  chastise  you — with  scorpions,  you  duck 
pot! 

MURIEL.     You're  not  really  cross,  Granny  ? 

COUNTESS.  I  am — I'm — I'm  simply  bursting  ! 
Ask  Laura ! 

MURIEL  (crosses  in  front  of  COUNTESS  to  MRS. 
PAYNTER)  .  Kow  do  you  do,  Mrs.  Paynter  ?  Granny 's 
pretending,  isn't  she  ? 

MRS.  P.    Er 

MURIEL.  You  know  you  can't  act  a  bit,  Granny. 
(takes  off  motor-coat  and  veil  and  places  them  on  table 
c.  at  back. 

(MRS.  PAYNTER  pours  out  tea.) 

COUNTESS.  Indeed  I  I  suppose  now  you  con- 
sider yourself  a  Rachel  and  Siddons  rolled  into  one  1 

MURIEL  (comes  down).  Something  a  little  more 
modern  than  that,  I  hope  !  It  was  such  fun,  Granny. 

COUNTESS.    Who  played  Romeo  ? 

MURIEL.  Such  a  dear !  (takes  cup  from  MRS. 
PAYNTER  and  sits  on  sofa  arm.) 

COUNTESS.     Naturally  !     Had  he  a  surname  ? 

MURIEL.    Warrington — Lord   Henry   Warrington. 

MRS.  P.     There,  dear  Lady  Milbourne  ! 


14  GRANNY'S   JULIET. 

COUNTESS  (at  back  of  armchair  R.).  There  was  a 
circus  man  who  called  himself  Lord  George — some- 
thing or  other. 

MRS.  P.    You  surely  know  Lord  Henry  ? 

COUNTESS.  Not  from  Adam  !  (sits  armchair.)  But 
I  fancy  I  knew  his  father.  He  was  commonly  known 
as  Whiskers  and  Soda. 

MRS.  P.     I  know  a  member  of  his  club  quite  well. 

COUNTESS.     Is  he  on  the  stage  professionally  ? 

MURIEL.  Not  now.  (rises  and  deposits  cup  on 
tray.)  He  has  been  ! 

COUNTESS.    Where  ? 

MURIEL  [crosses  c.  speaking  impressively).  He  once 
played  a  shout — "  Hurrah  !  "  like  that — in  one  of 
Tree's  productions. 

COUNTESS  (much  impressed).     What    a  career  ! 

MURIEL.  He'd  be  there  now,  but (whispers 

mysteriously  in  COUNTESS'S  left  ear.) 

COUNTESS.  Oh  !  Oh  !  I  see  !  Poor  Tree  jealous  ! 
Dear,  dear ! 

MURIEL.  I  think  I  scored !  Lord  Henry  said  my 
technique  was  wonderful ! 

COUNTESS  (grimly).    It  must  have  been. 

MURIEL.  Oh !  Granny,  I  do  wish  you'd  been 
there  !  (kneels  beside  the  COUNTESS.) 

COUNTESS.  I  was  always  very  fond  of  Juliet. 
When  I  was  a  girl  there  was  an  actress  of  that  time, 
who  won  some  fame  in  it.  Curiously  enough  you  are 
rather  like  her !  (smooths  back  the  girls  hair.) 

MURIEL.  I  don't  believe  she  was  half  as  good  as  I 
was  ! 

COUNTESS  (gasping).    Well,  of  all  the 

MURIEL.  Let  me  show  you  how  I  did  it — may  I, 
Granny  ? 

COUNTESS.    No,  no,  dear,  not  nowj 

MURIEL.     Please,  Granny  ! 

COUNTESS.    No,  no ! 

MURIEL.     Do,  Granny  ! 

COUNTESS  (relenting  and  curious  to  see  if  the  girl  ca,n 


GRANNY'S   JULIET.  IS 

act).  Well,  it  must  be  the  last  time,  Muriel.  You're 
never  to  act  again  ! 

MURIEJ.  (rises  and  kisses  the  COUNTESS).  No 
Granny  ! 

COUNTESS.     Your  grandfather  would  be  furious. 

MRS.  P.  (-inspired).    We'll  have  a  rehearsal. 

COUNTESS.  What  will  you  play,  Laura — Mercutio, 
or  bloody  Tybalt  ! 

MRS.  P.  (enthusiastically).  I'll  be  the  prompter ! 
You  ring  a  bell,  don't  you  ? 

MURIEL  (with  superior  knowledge}.  That  isn't  really 
necessary,  Mrs.  Paynter. 

MRS.  P.    Oh  !    I  must  do  it  properly. 

MURIEL  (very  superior).  A  rehearsal  is  an  awfully 
serious  business,  Mrs.  Paynter.  It's  almost  as 
serious  as  being  in  church. 

COUNTESS.  Well,  aren't  we  serious  !  Don't  I  look 
the  picture  of  an  All  British  Shopping  Week ! 

MRS.  P.    Where's  my  bell  ? 

COUNTESS  (to  MURIEL).  I  suppose  you  did  the 
Balcony  scene  ? 

MURIEL.    And  the  scene  with  the  Nurse. 

COUNTESS.    What  shall  we  do  for  a  balcony  ? 

(MURIEL  moves  to  fireplace  L.,  and  fetches  screen.} 

MRS.  P.     Where's  my  bell  ? 

MURIEL  (at  fireplace}.  This  will  do,  Granny.  Of 
course,  it  won't  be  a  rehearsal  for  me,  because  I 
know  my  words. 

COUNTESS.    But  can  you  say  them  ? 

MURIEL  (up  c.).  Lord  Henry  thought  I  gave 
quite  a  new  meaning  to  the  lines  : — 

"And  when  he  shall  die 
Take  him  and  cut  him  out  in  little  stars." 

COUNTESS.    Oh ! 

MURIEL.  He  said  that  Shakespeare,  with  his  eye 
on  the  salary  list,  was  obviously  thinking  of  the  sound 
economy  of  converting  one  actor  into  a  thousand 
little  stars. 


16  GRANNY'S   JULIET. 

MRS.  P.     \Y*hei-e's  my  bell  ? 

COUNTESS.    My  dear  Laura,  you're  like  an  ora 
torio— 

Where's  my   bell,   Oh !    ruddier  than  the   cherry, 
Where's  my  bell,  Oh  !  sweeter  than  the  berry 

MRS.  P.  (seriously).     Is  that  from  the  "  Josiah  "  ? 

COUNTESS  (takes  hand  bell  from  table  R.  of  armchair). 
Never  mind !  Take  your  bell  (crosses  to  sofa)  and 
ring  it,  and  ring  it 

(MURIEL  moves  to  back  of  armchair,  R.C.) 

MRS.  P.     By  the  way,  when  do  I  ring  it  ? 

COUNTESS.    When  you've  nothing  better  to  do. 

MRS.  P.  (rising  and  ringing  bell).  I  like  this  !  It 
sounds  quite  like  a  professional  bell,  (moves  down  L.) 

COUNTESS.  Yes — it's  a  bit  cracked  !  (goes  up  c. 
to  MURIEL.) 

MRS.  P.    Where  do  I  sit  ? 

COUNTESS  (to  MURIEL).  Give  me  the  balcony  ! 
(MURIEL  hands  screen.)  Thank  you.  Move  the  tea- 
things,  there's  a  dear ! 

(MURIEL  removes  tea-tray  from  occasional  table  in 
front  of  sofa  and  places  it  on  table  up  c.  at  back.) 

MRS.  P.    Where  do  I  sit  ? 

COUNTESS.   There  is  your  balcony,    (places  screen  c.) 

MRS.  P.    Where  do  I  sit  ? 

COUNTESS.  You're  starting  the  oratorio  again, 
Laura  ! 

MRS.  P.    Will  this  do  ?     (indicates  sofa.) 

COUNTESS.  You're  inspired,  Laura !  And  your 
prompter's  table  is  in  front  of  you  ! 

(Crosses  up  to  book- case  R.  and  selects  a  copy  of  "  Romeo 
and  Juliet") 

MURIEL  (at  head  of  sofa).     Lord  Henry  always 

MRS.  P.     By  the  way,  is  he  related  to  the  Slingsby- 
Grimsby-Bingboroughs  ? 
MURIEL.     I  don't  know. 


GRANNY'S  JULIET.  17 

MRS.  P.  I  once  travelled  to  Ascot  in  the  same  train 
with  the  Slingsby-Grimsby-Bingboroughs. 

COUNTESS  (up  R.  with  book}.  Now  we're  ready. 
Kneel  behind  the  balcony,  Muriel,  and  rest  your  arms 
on  the  top.  That's  it !  (MURIEL  does  so,  moving 
screen  a  little  above  sofa.)  Round  us  are  the  greenery, 
and  the  foliage  of  the  trees.  Above  are  the  star-lit 
heavens.  Romeo  enters.  "  He  jests  at  scars  who 
never  felt  a  wound." 

MRS.  P.  (seated  on  sofa).  Oh  !  dear  Lady  Milbourne 
I've  just  thought  of  something.  Why  isn't  that 
emblazoned  over  the  entrance  to  the  Automobile 
Club? 

COUNTESS.    What  ? 

MRS.  P.  "  He  jests  at  cars  who  never  felt  a 
wound  !  " 

COUNTESS.     You'd  better  write  to  the  chairman. 

MRS.  P.     I  will. 

COUNTESS  (resumes).  "  He  jests  at  scars  who 
never  felt  a  wound." 

MRS.  P.  Do  you  mind  starting  again  ?  I  forgot 
to  ring  my  bell. 

MURIEL.  Well,  do  please  be  quick,  Mrs.  Paynter, 
we  shall  never  get  on. 

MRS.  P.  When  I  count  three  I  ring — is  that  quite 
understood  ?  What  a  pretty  bell  this  is,  dear  Lady 
Milbourne,  was  it  an  heirloom  ? 

COUNTESS.     No,  it  was  a  bargain. 

MRS.  P.  Did  I  say  three  or  four  ?  It  doesn't 
matter,  really,  whether  I  ring  it  at  three  or  four, 
does  it  ? 

COUNTESS.    Not  in  the  least. 

MRS.  P.  Then  let's  say  four  !  I  always  think  four 
is  a  much  more  tidy  number  than  three. 

MURIEL.    We're  quite  ready,  Mrs.  Paynter. 

MRS.  P.  Very  well.  It's  quite  exciting.  I  feel 
as  if  we  had  a  real  audience,  and  professional  pro- 
gramme sellers,  (holds  up  her  hand  for  silence.) 
One,  two,  three (rings.)  No,  no,  wait — it  was 


18  GRANNY'S   JULIET. 

to  be  four.  One,  two,  three,  four !  (rings  trium- 
phantly.} There  ! 

COUNTESS.  "  He  jests  at  scars  who  never  felt  a 
wound." 

MURIEL  (rising).     That's  not  quite  right,  Granny. 

COUNTESS    (R.).     Eh  ?     (moves  to  armchair.) 

M URIEL.  Lord  Henry  always  puts  the  emphasis 
on  "  jests." 

COUNTESS.  Absurd  I  **  Scars "  is  the  word  of 
value. 

MURIEL.  Granny,  dear,  surely  Lord  Henry 
knows  ! 

COUNTESS.     Nonsense ! 

MURIEL.  When  I  tell  you  that  he  once  played 
cricket  with  Mr.  Benson  ! 

COUNTESS.  I  don't  care  if  he  played  football  with 
Martin  Harvey  !  He's  wrong  ! 

MURIEL.    What  do  you  think,  Mrs.  Paynter  ? 

COUNTESS.     Laura  agrees  with  me! 

MRS.  P.     Well,  it's  all  very  difficult. 

COUNTESS.  Exactly !  Get  onto  your  balcony, 
Muriel,  like  a  good  Juliet.  (MURIEL  kneels  behind 
screen.}  That's  right,  (continues} — 

"  But  soft,  what  light  through  yonder  window  breaks  ? 
It  is  the  east  and  Juliet  is  the  sun. 
Arise,  fair  sun,  and  kill  the  envious  moon 
\Mio  is  already  sick  and  pale  with  grief." 

MRS.  P.  I  don't  like  that !  Oh  !  No  !  Do  you, 
dear  Lady  Milbourne  ?  it  sounds  bilious  ! 

COUNTESS.  The  young  man's  in  love,  (resumes.) 
So  on  and  so  on  and  so  on,  till  we  get  to  your 

MURIEL.    Cue ! 

COUNTESS.  Of  course,  your  cue  ! — "  and  sails 
upon  the  bosom  of  the  air." 

M URIEL.  "  O,  Romeo,  Romeo  !  Wherefore  art 
then,  Romeo." 

MRS.  P.     Why  was  he  ? 

COUNTESS.     Couldn't  help  it,  poor  beast  1 


GRANNY'S   JULIET.  19 

MURIEL. 

"  Deny  thy  father,  and  refuse  thy  name, 
Or  if  thou  wilt  not,  be  but  sworn  my  love 
And  I'll  no  longer  be  a  Capulet." 

MRS.  P.  It's  so  odd  !  I  never  can  understand 
people  when  they  talk  in  blank  verse. 

MURIEL.    Please  don't  interrupt,  Mrs.  Paynter. 
MRS.  P.     I'm  so  sorry.     It  was  just  a  thought  that 
occurred  to  me. 

COUNTESS  (quotes).  "  Shall  I  hear  more,  or  shall  I 
speak  at  this  ?  " 

MRS.  P.     Oh,  please  go  on,  dear  Lady  Milbourne. 
MURIEL  (speaking  in  school-girl  fashion) — 
"  'Tis  but  thy  name  that  is  my  enemy. 

O,  be  some  other  name ! 

What's  hi  a  name  ?     That  which  we  call  a  rose 
By  any  other  name  would  smell  as  sweet." 

MRS.  P.  Oh !  that's  absurd !  If  a  rose  were 
called  a  mangel-wurzel,  I  should  hate  it. 

COUNTESS  (to  MURIEL).  You  don't  put  enough 
heart  into  it,  dear.  Good  heavens  !  Imagine  that 
I  am  a  gloriously  lovely  young  man,  with  a  face  like 
Apollo.  The  night  is  soft  and  balmy  and  full  of 
fragrance.  Let  your  voice  quiver  to  your  thoughts — 
don't  speak  the  lines  as  if  you  were  ordering  lobsters  ! 

MURIEL  (rises).  But  how  am  I  to  say  them, 
Granny  ? 

COUNTESS  (behind  armchair).  My  dear  child,  if 
you  really  feel  the  scene,  you  can't  help  it !  (quotes) 

"  O,  be  some  other  name, 

What's  hi  a  name  ?     That  which  we  call    a  rose 
By  any  other  name  would  smell  as  sweet." 

MURIEL.  Why,  Granny,  who  taught  you  to  speak 
blank  verse  ? 

COUNTESS  (hastily).  Oh  !  I  learnt  how  years  ago, 
when — when  I  was  a  girl ;  somehow  the  time  seems 
very  near  to-day. 


20  GRANNY'S   JULIET. 

MURIEL.    More,  please,  Granny  1 

COUNTESS  (thoughtfully}.  No,  no,  I'm  forgetting. 
This  is  not  the  orchard  that  I  knew.  The  hues  are 
russet.  The  blossoms  no  longer  nestle  on  the  branches. 

MURIEL  (quotes). 

"  O,  wilt  thou  leave  me  so  unsatisfied  ?  " 

COUNTESS  (quotes). 

"  What  satisfaction  can'st  thou  have  to-night  ?  " 

MURIEL  (quotes). 

"  The  exchange  of  thy  love's  faithful  vow  for  mine." 
(MURIEL  makes  a  movement  and  knocks  over  screen.} 

COUNTESS.  Darling !  You  mustn't  bring  down 
the  house !  It  isn't  fair  on  the  other  actors ! 

MRS.  P.  I  think  Juliet  had  such  a  fine  character. 
She  never,  never  gave  a  thought  as  to  whether  the 
balcony  was  secure. 

MURIEL.  Granny,  you  know,  it's  awfully  difficult 
to  play  this  scene  without  a  proper  Romeo  ! 

COUNTESS.    Good  heavens,  aren't  /  proper  ! 

MURIEL.    You're  a  dear,  but  you're  not 

COUNTESS.  I  know !  I'm  not  sufficiently  specta- 
cular !  That's  to  say,  I  don't  drive  six  motor-cars 
at  once,  and  colour  my  cheeks  to  match  my  window- 
boxes. 

MURIEL.  I  was  going  to  say — you're  not  a  man, 
dear. 

COUNTESS.  No  !  Now  I  come  to  think  of  it,  I 
suppose  I'm  not.  It's  just  one  of  those  trifles  that 
we  forget  at  times.  Well,  as  I'm  not  allowed  to  be  a 
man,  or  to  play  Romeo,  or  to  have  a  vote,  or  drive 
an  omnibus,  what  am  I  to  do  ? 

MURIEL.    Be  the  Nurse,  Granny  ! 

COUNTESS.  Ah !  It  always  reverts  to  that  I 
Well,  since  we  can  play  the  part  a  thousand  times 
better  than  any  man  let's  snap  our  fingers  at  the 
wretches  and  let  them  see  that  here  at  any  rate  we 
can  act  them  off  the  stage. 


GRANNY'S   JULIET.  21 

(MURIEL   replaces    screen   in   front    of   fireplace,    L.) 

MRS.  P.     I  do  hope  I  shall  remember  to  tell  Joseph  ! 

COUNTESS  (moves  armchair  a  little  to  c.).    And  so 
I'll  play  the  Nurse  !     In  this  instance  an  aged  dame, 
suffering  from  sciatica  and  deferred  wages,     (groans 
and  sits) — 
"  Ah  !   my  back,  my  back  !    What  a  coil  is  here." 

MRS.  P.  (with  great  intelligence).  You  didn't  quite 
finish  the  Balcony  scene,  did  you  ? 

COUNTESS.  There  were  just  a  few  blanks,  not  con- 
tained in  the  verse ! 

MRS.  P.  I  thought  so  I  (proudly.)  I  know  my 
Shakespeare  I 

COUNTESS.  We've  taken  out  a  poet's  licence  and 
shot  ourselves  into  the  Nurse  and  Juliet  scene. 

MRS.  P.     But  I  haven't  rung  my  bell. 

COUNTESS.  Good  gracious !  Never  mind.  Ring 
it  now. 

MRS.  P.    Let's  see  !    Do  I  count  three  or  four  ? 

COUNTESS.  My  dear  Laura,  you  don't  count  at  all, 
you're  the  prompter  ! 

MRS.  P.  (disregarding  the  COUNTESS'S  remark). 
It  was  four  !  Of  course  !  I  knew  it  was  either  three 
or  four.  Now  then,  one,  two,  three,  four.  (Rings.) 

MURIEL. 

"  Now,  Nurse,  what  news  ?    What  hast  thou  there  ? 

The  cords 
That  Romeo  bid  thee  fetch  ?  " 

COUNTESS.     "Ay,  ay,  the  cords." 
MURIEL.     "  Ay  me,  what  news  ?    Why  dost  thou 
wring  thy  "'— • 

(MRS.  PAYNTER  rings  bell.) 

No— no!    "Hands"! 
COUNTESS.    "Ah!    well  a  day!    he's   dead,   he's 

dead,  he's  dead. 
We  are  undone,   ladv,   we   are  undone !  " 


22  ORAWNY'S   JULIET. 

MRS.  P.  (reassuringly)  Oh,  no,  dear  Lady  Mil- 
bourne,  you're  mistaken. 

MURIEL  (turning  to  MRS.  PAYNTER,  and  savagely 
quoting) — 

"  What  devil  art  thou  that  dost  torment  me  thus  ? 
This  torture  should  be  roared  in  dismal  hell !  " 

(MRS.  PAYNTER  rings  bell.) 

No,  "  hell  "—  not  bell. 

MRS.  P.     Oh  !  I  beg  your  pardon. 
MURIEL  (addressing  COUNTESS). 

"  Vile  earth  to  earth  resign  and  motion  here 
And  thou  and  Romeo  press  one  heavy  bier." 

MRS.  P.    Beer  1     Singular ! 

MURIEL  (turns).  Oh  !  Mrs.  Paynter,  please  don't 
interrupt. 

MRS.  P.  (with  some  asperity).  I  didn't  know  that 
intelligent  criticism  was  called  interruption. 

COUNTESS   (quotes). — 

"  On  horror's  head  horrors  accumulate. 
Do  deeds  to  make  heaven  weep,  all  earth  amazed, 
For  nothing  can'st  thou  to  damnation  add, 
Greater  than  that." 

MRS.  P.  (huffily).  Very  well !  I  won't  say  another 
word — oh  !  no  ! — not  one  ! 

MURIEL,  Thank  you,  ever  so  much !  Granny, 
do  you  remember  the  speech  beginning  "  Gallop 
apace,  you  fiery-footed  steeds  "  ? 

COUNTESS  (still  seated  in  armchair).  Do  I  remember  ? 
Am  I  ever  likely  to  forget  ? 

(As  the  old  memories  come  flooding  back,  the  actress 
becomes  inspired  and  the  Juliet  of  years  ago  once 
more  appears  before  the  audience.) 

Will  any  orchard  ever  seem  so  fair,  as  that  first 
orchard  of  the  Capulets  ?  Will  any  eyes  gaze  quite 
so  tenderly  as  my  first  Romeo's  ?  Will  ever  breeze 


GRANNY'S  JULIET.  23 

blow  softly  from  the  West  as  that  night's  silken  rustle 
in  the  wings  ?  Do  I  remember  ?  Ah !  yes.  surely,  I 
see  a  young  girl  stepping  lightly  on  the  stage.  Her 
face  I  seem  to  know.  In  her  ears  is  sounding  that 
most  exquisite  of  music — the  people's  welcome ! 
Those  unknown  friends  hold  out  dear  hands  to  take 
her  to  their  hearts — because  they  love  her  I  They 
give  her  that  priceless  gift  of  sympathy,  without 
which  an  artist  cannot  breathe.  And  then  she  speaks  I 
The  voice  has  a  familiar  ring  and  I  can  almost  hear  the 
wild  beating  of  her  heart,  and  the  little  sob  of 
anxiety,  as  she  begins.  The  play  moves  on.  She 
meets  her  Romeo,  they  love  with  all  their  pure  young 
hearts.  Then  the  shadows  fall. 

"  Come,  night,  come,  Romeo,  come  thou  day  in 

night ; 

For  thou  wilt  lie  upon  the  wings  of  night 
Whiter  than  new  snow  on  a  raven's  back! 
Come,   gentle   night,   come,   loving    black-browed 

night, 
Give  me  my  Romeo." 

MURIEL.     Granny,  who  was  your  first  Juliet  ? 

COUNTESS.    She  is  now  a  very  old  woman,  dear. 

MURIEL.     I  should  have  loved  her ! 

COUNTESS.    Your  grandfather  loved  her ! 

MURIEL.  You,  Granny  !  Oh  !  and  I  never  knew. 
(hugs  her  grandmother.}  I  never  knew  I 

COUNTESS.  You  must  never  speak  of  it,  dear.  It's 
the  only  secret  I've  ever  had,  and  of  course,  I  haven't 
kept  it  ! 

MURIEL.  I  won't  tell !  (kneels  by  her  grand- 
mother's chair.} 

COUNTESS.  The  Juliet  of  the  past  and  the  Juliet 
of  the  present  !  I  wonder— I  wonder  if  your  Romeo 
was  as  captivating  as  mine  ! 

MURIEL  (softly).    He  looked — he  looked 

COUNTESS.  I'm  sure  he  did,  and  would  it  make 
some  one  happy,  if  I  asked  him  to  tea  ? 


24  GRANNY'S  JULIET. 

MURIEL  (in  a  whisper).    Yes. 

COUNTESS.  Well,  we  must  ask  Laura  \  (rises 
and  moves  across  with  MURIEL  to  MRS.  PAYNTER.) 
She  is  ever  ready  with  wise  counsel.  What  do  you 
say,  Laura  ?  Am  I  to  ask  this  paragon  to  tea  ? 

MRS.  P.  (pauses).     Well,  it's  all  very  difficult. 

COUNTESS.  That  settles  it.  He  shall  come  next 
Tuesday. 

MURIEL.  Thank  you,  Granny,  (kisses  the  COUN- 
TESS, moves  up  and  fetches  hat  and  coat  from  table  up  c.) 

COUNTESS.  You  haven't  looked  at  your  letters, 
Laura ! 

MRS.  P.  Ah  !  no,  they  are  often  heart-rending  ! 
I  must  read  them  in  the  privacy  of  my  room. 

COUNTESS.  Come  along  then,  we  must  dress  for 
dinner.  Bring  your  things,  Muriel,  there's  a  good 
girl. 

(MURIEL  brings  her  hat  and  motor-coat  and  gets  R.  of 
COUNTESS.  MRS.  PAYNTER  gathers  up  her  letters: 
THE  COUNTESS  puts  her  arm  round  MURIEL'S 
waist,  and  links  an  arm  in  MRS.  PAYNTER'S.) 

Granny's  Juliet  !  (whimsically.}  I'm  sure  my 
Romeo  had  the  best  shaped  nose ! 

MURIEL  (indignantly).  Oh!  Granny!  That's  too 
bad  !  He 

COUNTESS.  Hush  !  dear.  No  more  acting,  please  ! 
Remember  that  like  Sir  Peter  Teazle,  we  leave  our 
characters  behind  us  !  (Exeunt.) 

(CURTAIN.) 


|THERN  REGION.  LIBRARYFAC|UTJ 


Continued  from  second  ; 

SCEN          A"  000  040  253     ,; 


Our  stock  of  scenery  consists  of : — 

The  Oak  Chamber  Scene 

This  scene  will  be  found  suitable  for  the  purpose  of  an 
ordinary  interior  in  nearly  all  plays  requiring  a  room 
which  is  not  representing  a  drawing-room,  kitchen  or  a 
very  poverty  -stricken  type  of  room.  The  kind  of  furniture 
used  in  it  will  naturally  do  much  to  indicate  the  status 
of  the  people  inhabiting  it. 

The  Grey  Panel  Scene 

In  place  of  oak  panelling  the  scene  ia  made  up  of  paper 
representing  grey  wood  panelling. 

The  Drawing-Room  Chamber 

This  scene  has  been  prepared  with  the  same  object  in 
view — the  increase  in  both  height  and  width  according 
to  requirements.  The  panel  here  is  of  a  distinctive 
design. 

An  Exterior  Back  Scene  in  Two  Sizes 

Tree  Wings  for  the  Exterior  Scene 
A  Tree  for  erecting  in  the  mid-portion 

of  a  Stage 
The  Exterior  of  a  House 

Consisting  of  exterior  doors,  windows  and  stonework  to 
be  made  up  to  any  sine  required. 

Pillars  and  Frieze  for  Proscenium 

Landscape  Backings 

Sheets  of  Foliage 

Fireplaces 

Street  Piece 

Interior  Window  and  Interior  Door 

FULLY    ILLUSTRATED    CATALOGUE 

•cat    gratia    on    application    to    SAMUEL    FRENCH.   Ltd.,    26 

Southampton    Street,   Strand,  W.C.2  ;  or   35  West  45th  Street, 

New  York  City,  U.S.A. 


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